i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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