last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
