I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
