RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
