I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
