i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
