becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
