Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
