didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
