We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
