She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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