I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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