When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
