whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
