he puts the penis in happiness.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got inside last night via doggy door
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
