Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
