That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
