Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
