he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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