forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
