i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
