so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
