Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
