wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
