i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I didn't notice because vodka
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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