Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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