She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
