hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
