I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
