We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
