This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
