If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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