you guys were way drunker than both of me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
