I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
