why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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