I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
