My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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