You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
