after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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