you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
