would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
