He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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