I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
