Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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