I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
