that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
