the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
