you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
