I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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