I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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