Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
