look no pants
No subtext here. People are naked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
